Are you faking it?

You may have noticed a lack of blogging here at Mummy Limited. A bout of tonsillitis turned into a low mood which turned into a lack of confidence on the whole blogging front. 

This creeping feeling of general blueness coincided with MckDaddy going back to work and horror of horrors, Mini Mck dropping his afternoon nap. I’ve spent the week trying to get my head around our new day with just one later nap and feeling like I’m an amateur again. Just when you are slipping into parent smugness they go and change on you.

Things came to a head on Tuesday when I looked in the mirror and realised my hair desperately needed washing, I looked frumpy and scruffy, I had ironing and washing piling up to volcanic proportions and I felt really fed up with my world. I also realised that I didn’t feel like blogging and this had been bothering me, making me feel guilty, that I really should make the effort or my lovely readers would desert me.

I decided not to think about blogging for the rest of the week. To wash my hair and spend the week getting my house into some kind of order. It may seem shallow but by improving the outside, the inside started to feel more motivated. The last couple of days has seen a return to my mind thinking of potential posts and wanting to carve the time to write.

However, this little break and the reasons behind it got me thinking about self-doubt and where it comes from and how it fluctuates from week to week and day to day. A look around at other bloggers seemed to suggest that I’m not the only one who feels this way and some twitterings this week about CyberMummy confirmed that loads of people feel nervous at the prospect of turning up alone and not knowing anyone.

These fears were all felt by women that I consider to be witty, intelligent, articulate, kind and interesting and so I find it shocking that they are plagued with similar doubts to myself. 

It got me wondering if it’s a bloggy thing. Are we blogging because we don’t feel confident in our real life and it is a way for us to have our voices heard? Surely, you have to have a certain amount of self belief to write a blog at all. After all, you are putting your writing and thoughts in a public domain where they can be criticised, doesn’t that takes a certain amount of bravery. Is it a woman thing, or is it simply a people thing? 

Are the vast majority of us living our lives with the underlying feeling that we are not as good/funny/interesting as others? Is it only contestants on The Apprentice that have total, all-consuming self belief and would any of us really want to be like that? 

If we are all putting up a front, couldn’t it be argued that this ‘fake confidence’ actually becomes real purely because that is the face we are showing the world. Or more simply put “Fake it ’til you make it!”

I feel I’ve asked more questions than I’ve answered here but I like to think that a little bit of self-doubt actually makes us nicer people. More inclined to think of others and strive to be better parents, partners, bloggers, people. It also gives me great comfort to know that people who appear to have everything sussed are just as insecure as the rest of us and that we all need friends to give us a boost every now and again. 

I will definitely keep this in mind and when you see me at Cybermummy, smiling and chatting and looking all confident, just know that inside I’m petrified and very nervous and I will try to remember that you might be as well.

What do you think? Are you faking it and if so, do you think that’s a bad thing? Do you know anyone who really is super confident or does that describe you?


12 thoughts on “Are you faking it?

  1. A very interesting post. A think self-doubt is a people think rather than specifically a blogging thing. I think we all doubt ourselves at times and it's not surprising that you felt deflated about blogging around the same time that your husband went back to work and your lost your afternoon rest period (they used to be so precious to me). It is definitely easier to be more confident online than off. We have the safety of the computer to hide behind. I'm confident in some areas of life but not in others. I am quite shy but I've found my blog has actually increased my confidence. It's all very complicated isn't it?!

  2. I believe that my lack of self confidence has come from being a mother rather than a blogger and I often feel as though I am faking this mothering lark!I love blogging, but I am not a writer and I need somewhere to get out my thoughts or my head would explode

  3. Blogging has given me a confidence which I never thought I could have – Saying things & expressing myself to people I have never met. And yes is scares the living daylight into me that over the next few month's via different events I'm actually going to be meeting these people that I have shared my life with over the last year , face to face. I'm already fretting about what I wear , what I say and am I going to show myself up!I didn't blog for 4/5 days the other weekend after finding out people who I didn't want to read my blog were reading it! It really did knock my confidence! I still feel now like I cant write about whatever I want.

  4. I think self-doubt every once in awhile is a good thing. Without it we'd be arrogant. It's just important not to let it cripple you. Being a mother made me doubt myself a lot at the beginning. But now my kids are older I worry about things less. Blogging has reminded me I can do other things. It's good to know other people will be nervous at cyber mummy. I know I will be!!

  5. I think you almost answered all your own questions. Even people who appear to ooze confidence (and are often described as arrogant, e.g. Robbie Williams) have their own self-doubts too. They are either good at hiding it or choose only to share it with a privileged few. But showing your insecurities every now and then certainly allows people to empathise with you. My personal worry, is that by talking about my self-doubt, people might think I am wallowing in my own self pity about things that I really should be grateful for.Wonderul post though, and again, reassuring to know I'm not the only person that ponders these things.

  6. Good post, I agree with rosiescribble that most people suffer with self-doubt. I think blogging can make you feel like this because your blog is so personal and you put a lot of yourself into it. If people don't like your blog or don't read then you take it personally (I lost two followers this week – sob!). I used to be a very unconfident person but motherhood and age has changed that now. I'm too tired and old to worry about it much! I'm going to CyberMummy and have never met another blogger before, but I'm not too nervous because I already feel like I 'know' some of the attendees. See you there!

  7. I have just written a similar post, although not as eloquently put as yours. I suppose there must be very few people indeed that never have a moment of self-doubt, and when it manifests itself is probably different for everyone. It does appear that the blogging community is a little group of self-doubt – either that, or we are just putting those moments "out there", which others would not normally be doing.

  8. Wow, great comeback post! Glad you're feeling all refreshed after your blogging break. I did the same thing last week – just posted pics all week as I wanted a breather from writing for a bit.I'm different to Rosie – I find it easier to be more confident offline, rather than online. There's something about my words being there for everyone to see and dissect that makes me question myself constantly. I can put on a brave face in person, and appear confident even when I'm quaking inside.x

  9. An excellent post.Having children is wonderful, no question.But, we, as mothers often lose our identity, no longer know who we are.Our bodies change shape, we're tired and have so much less general conversation than we used to because our lives revolve around children.

  10. I agree with Frog in the Field. Having lots of mums recently I think what happens – particularly if they're SAHMs, and feeling isolated – is that they lose confidence. That's why it's so important to get out there and meet new people, otherwise you can develop social agoraphobia. I hope everyone going to Cybermummy realises they're among friends. xxx

  11. I know exactly how you feel. I don't know how long you've been blogging for but I remember about a month or so into my blogging adventures I wrote about this too. I found it really difficult to blog because I was feeling blue, circumstances were difficult etc. I've included the url for you below. I think the confidence thing is actually a people thing, not a blogging thing at all. We all doubt ourselves at times. I think you're doing great and your blog is refreshing.

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