This post was written as part of The Gallery at Sticky Fingers, for this week’s topic; ‘Motherhood’. Follow the link for great photos and some amazing words to go with them.
This is not written to mark some special occasion, birthday or milestone. I’ve been remiss at those things. Your month by month photo frame isn’t completed, the footprint kit remains unopened and the scrapbook I intended to do is empty. I can’t remember exactly when you first smiled or when your first tooth poked through and anything that happened in the first nine months has blurred so much I can hardly remember it.
I’m sure I will regret being so disorganised in years to come, but I will silently remind myself that the hours I could have spent recording your life I chose to spend enjoying your life, with you. When I could have been printing photos I ,instead, rocked you, sang to you and cuddled you until you eventually fell asleep. Comforting you as you learnt to wind down, rather than leaving you to figure it out, alone and in the dark.
The ‘firsts’ you’ve experienced are not what stands out when I think of you and the year we’ve spent together. Each day you bring joy and pride into my life. You’ve amazed me with the strength and depth of your personality which shines from you.
Laughter and giggles bubble from you, prompted by simple pleasures; the sight of a cat, the sound of train, a plastic bucket as a hat or Daddy coming home from work.
Yet, you can be serious and thoughtful, not rushing into new situations, but taking time to feel comfortable in your surroundings. You sit back patiently, until you decide that you are ready to crawl or walk, but when you do there is no stopping you, as you grasp your new skill and use it with confidence.
Mostly your play is energetic and physical but sometimes you will sit so still ‘reading’ your books, babbling in your special reading voice or concentrating on something to figure out how it works, patiently practising until you get it right.
You are soaking up your world. You walk faster each day, copy what you see me doing, form words you hear me saying. I am lucky to be here to watch and marvel at your capacity to learn.
Becoming your mother has changed me profoundly and unexpectedly. You have helped me grow in confidence, as if at each hurdle we faced you were holding my hand, reassuring me with your responses that I was doing OK, helping to quash all my crippling doubts. You have rewarded me with kisses, cuddles, laughter and contentment. I am at ease, at last and have found patience I never knew was in me.
Before you I never knew what unconditional love felt like. It is powerful and frightening but above all else it is joyous and I will always have plenty of it for you, my gorgeous boy.