Slowly Falling

I seem to be in a funk that I can’t yank myself out of. There is nothing in particular that has caused this gloom and as a result there is nothing that will lift it, other than myself. 

I had a few annoying things happen a couple of weeks ago, nothing major and it was a couple of week ago. Mini Mck is being quite challenging at the moment and this is making the days long and quite a slog, but even that doesn’t explain my black mood. This week has seen only my second period since having Mini Mck and I am not quite used to this monthly hormonal roller coaster, but that is behind me now so, I am thinking, I really should be feeling more like myself again. 

Have I just entered normal Stay at Home Mum territory, starting to feel the effect of similar long days and still disturbed nights? Is it really only tiredness, because I don’t actually feel that tired, just weary?

I don’t feel I can talk to anyone about how I feel, mainly because I know it is rather self-pitying and self-indulging. However, it turns out I can’t pretend here and actually I don’t have to. So, I can be honest and say that at the moment I am finding this Mummying lark difficult and I am not feeling great. 

Most of my friends have got their own problems and frankly they are more serious than my general miserable mood. MckDaddy is busy at work and anyway I think it’s difficult to appreciate how tiring a newly fledged toddler is when you are there all day, unless you have done it for many days in a row. Our conversations seemed to be snatched between dealing with Mini Mck and by the time he’s gone to bed the last thing Mckdaddy wants to hear is me whining. 

To be honest I’m reluctant to be honest with people for a number of reasons. Firstly, I am choosing to be the one to raise my son, I know I am lucky to be able to do it and that many people would wish to do the same. Also, it feels somehow disloyal to Mini Mck, as if by complaining I am making some kind of judgement on the type of child that he is. Mainly though it is because I know I really have nothing to be grumpy about and that I really just need to give myself a shake and snap out of it. 

I’ve started to try today though. It’s amazing how healing a couple of hours at home on my own (well with child sleeping) can be for my mind. Having some quiet time to drink a cup of coffee and just be alone with my thoughts, at the same time as listening to some loud music and making a dent in the chaos that is my house has made me feel more in control and positive.

I also have Cybermummy to look forward to and am hoping that a whole day away from my Mummying duties will help me come back to it with renewed enthusiasm. Plus getting to read a magazine on the train and meet lots of lovely people that I’ve been chatting to is ridiculously exciting. 

I keep telling myself that I don’t need to do anything dramatic and that this will pass as quickly as it has arrived but I still have a nagging feeling that I’m not going to snap out of it. 

We all feel similar to this sometimes, don’t we? Surely I can’t be the only one who just feels a bit blue for no apparent reason and it will pass, won’t it?


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