This is one of those posts that I’ve been reluctant to write, fearing that I may be judged harshly. However, it’s also a post that I feel I have to write in an attempt to change something. 

I love Mini Mck totally and unconditionally, but I don’t always like him and recently I have felt this more often than I feel comfortable. Does this make me a bad mother? Maybe, maybe not, but it certainly makes me an honest one. 

Of course there are still many moments in the day when he makes me laugh or fill with pride at his achievements and he is still given lots of love and cuddles, but just recently I’ve found myself becoming increasingly irritated by some of his behaviour. I take a deep breath, in an attempt not to raise my voice or sound exasperated. More often than not the deep breath method fails miserably and the situation tends to get worse rather than better. 

Nothing he is doing is outrageous and I would imagine is all quite normal for a 17 month old boy.

Food is flung across the floor, but only after it has been smeared over the high-chair tray and mixed with the spilled water. In fact, most activities end with things being swiped off the table. Almost every nappy change is a battle and getting him to sleep at night still takes some work, despite my last post. He seems particularly clingy and I cannot leave a room without him immediately rejecting his toy to find me. His latest, catch all noise is “mum mum mum mum mum mum mum”, incessantly repeated until he gets what he wants, whether that be picking up, getting out of his chair, food, a drink. It is quite a different sound to when he actually says my name, a definite Mumm-me.

As I said, nothing earth-shattering for a toddler trying to make his first marks on the world. He is no longer a baby, he has his own ideas about what life should be and doesn’t understand why things can’t always be as he wishes. He is yet to learn all the words he needs to express himself and can’t understand all that I say to him. He is wilful & determined. He must be in order to learn all the things he needs to, but sometimes that stubbornness makes it difficult to spend the days with him.  

I feel so guilty for even thinking some of these things, let alone writing them down. He is my precious boy and I am the adult in this situation. This is what I signed up for and I never expected it to be easy. I’m not proud of how I’ve been feeling, but I felt the need to be honest and get these thoughts out. 

I woke up this morning simply knowing that something had to change. Tune in next time to find out what I did differently and more importantly whether it worked.


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