I walk into the kitchen and a little voice in my head whispers “Coffee”. I put the kettle on and Mini Mck walks in, asking me to pick him up, which I do. I smell something most unpleasant. After some negotiation, I manage to get him upstairs and into a clean nappy.
We go back downstairs and my brain tries to pick up where it left off ten minutes earlier. “Coffee” it says, just a little louder and more impatient. Back in the kitchen I put the kettle on for the second time and add a spoonful of coffee and sugar to a clean mug, straight from the dishwasher. Nano Mck starts to fuss, ready for yet another feed. I know I may be stuck for half an hour or more and so rush to the loo and grab a glass of water. I go to take Nano out of the sling that is strapped to my front, but before I do my brain and body scream “Coffee, coffee, coffee.” I put the kettle on for the third time and this time manage to pour hot water and milk into the cup.
Mckdaddy has been back at work for 3 days and I am adjusting to life as a Stay at Home Mum of two. It is hard, incredibly hard. My body, brain and emotions feel bulldozed and I have ended each day feeling shell shocked, almost unsure of what has happened to me during the day. I finish each day with hair that is scary and a mixture of breast milk, baby sick and food on my clothes. I shower and fall into bed.
It is full on from 6am until 8pm and there are moments where I want to weep and I feel I’ll never get the hang of it and in those moments there is only one thing to do. Put the kettle on, because there’s always coffee.