The one where a Health Visitor is unhelpful and I am run over by a bus

I feel as if I’ve been run over by a bus, not that I have any idea what that feels like and so I am possibly being a little over dramatic, but this two children thing is hard work.

I have been thrown from the calm ease of paternity leave, where not only was Mckdaddy at home, but we were inundated with visitors who would entertain an energetic two year old or hold Nano Mck when he just didn’t want to be put down…..all day

Now, that has all changed. By 6pm on the first evening, as I surveyed the carnage in my home, I felt in a state of shock. Unable to really piece together what had happened in the previous twelve hours. Some days there is not two minutes where one, or often both, of the Mcks don’t need me and at times it is totally overwhelming.

By Wednesday, I had reached my limit and sent Mckdaddy this video to show him the carnage that had been created in just a few hours.

Watching it back made me smile and for that reason alone I guess it did it’s job. It also prompted Mckdaddy to phone my Mum and ask her to offer some help. 

As usual I turned to my on-line friends for support and honesty and they assured me this was all totally normal and the feeling of total bewilderment would pass and I would be able to brush my hair again one day. Then, I spent the weekend with some of these fabulous women at Cybermummy which was the biggest confidence boost I could have hoped for. Nano behaved beautifully and I got loads of compliments praising me for being dressed and having make up on. The lovely Spudbaloo even described me as wafting around with confidence, which is perhaps the greatest compliment I’ve ever had.

I came back tired, but on a wave of positivity to carry over into week two, until I had a visit from the Health Visitor. How do they manage to make you feel worse, even though you know they are trying to be helpful?
Everything seems fine with Nano, he’s put on more than a pound in the last two weeks. She’s a little concerned that his eyes still seem a little yellow and so we are off to the hospital tomorrow for a blood test. I think it’s just a precaution, as he seems fine in every other way.

The issue was when she asked how I was doing and although I told her I was fine I did make my flippant, albeit true, ‘run over by a bus’ comment. Suddenly, her face changed, her brow furrowed and her head went, sympathetically to one side. Alarm bells were ringing and I know that’s a good thing, but what I really needed, when I added “that’s normal, right?”, was for her to reassure me, that it is normal, or at least not unusual to feel a little battle weary at this stage. Surely, she could tell from the rest of our conversation that we are doing OK, that I’m doing OK.

Instead, I was left with the feeling that perhaps I’m not doing so well and perhaps I should be expecting to find this easier. It left me thinking that sometimes those that are there to help new mothers actually put more pressure on us to have found our feet by week three. It certainly made me realise that I won’t be so honest with her in the future and will save my doubts and truths for my friends, the people who actually help.

As for the shock of finding myself at home with a baby and a toddler, I think it’s wearing off a little. Yesterday was a good day, today wasn’t. I guess that’s just how it’s going to be for a while.

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10 thoughts on “The one where a Health Visitor is unhelpful and I am run over by a bus

  1. I think it is definitely normal to feel battle weary….I feel that way now and my little one is 10 months old :-).don't worry about the Health visitor it sounds like you are doing great! i laughed at your unpacked shopping, thats just what happens to me 🙂

  2. Just want to say you're doing great, and thank f*ck for online communities that let us know that this is all normal… My two are 5 and 3 now, but I so remember how you feel and It Will Pass. Phew. And breeeeathe…

  3. It's just over 2 years later and I now have a boy and a toddler (16 months apart). Yesterday, I lay on the sofa wanting to cry and/or fall asleep, while they ran havoc in my lounge.The fact that you were at Cybermummy, THREE WEEKS after Nano Mck's birth, looking as cool and calm as you were, actually makes me envy you a teeny bit. You are doing a SUPERB job and yes you ARE normal in feeling the way you are at the mo.Please don't ever visit my house, yours is practically spotless by comparison… :)xxx

  4. Your doing great. Looks alot like my house. I find nappies all over the house in random place. I have given up on tidying now. It just ends up a mess again and I have to do it before hubbie gets home so now its carnage until about 5 minutes before hes due home (imagine the horror the other night when he came home early!)I am dreading how much worse it will be when Munchie is moving around. At least now hes not really adding to the mess.

  5. health visitors can be rubbish can't they. i've stopped going to see them with my 2nd. the fact you had time to make a film is impressive enough. i have a 2 year old and a 5 month old and i so feel your pain!

  6. Your house looks a whole lot tidier than mine did after I'd just had my 2nd baby! Looks like you are doing a great job and its sooooo normal to feel weary. Its only been the past five years that I actually feel "normal" again lol…I was permenantly shattered when my lot were little x

  7. Honestly what you are feeling is normal – well assuming I am normal too of course! It is bloody hard work with two especially a fiesty strong willed toddler and a baby that breast-feeds a lot! The mess cracks me up too but stupidly spend my evenings tidying up once both are asleep tidying up! Of course by next morning it's a mess again! I thnk being run over by a bus is a great description of how it feels. It is numbing and a shock to the system plus you are still in those awful first 6 weeks aren't you? They are the worse time for feeling up and down due to our crap sleep and hormones. It does get a little easier after the six week point as you get more sleep. Looking back, how did I look after a newborn and toddler on no more than 2 hours sleep a night!! Plus if youncan get someone to have MM then accept the help, when Burton has a night away it does help and you get some quiet time with baby. It will get better – it has to else people wouldn't have than one child! You will get there – we both will. Chin up lovely xxx

  8. Health visitors are, in my experience to be avoided at all costs. They know best on every point and have a manner or doing and saying stuff which seems calculated to make you feel bad. They are surely not all like this….. just my experience.

  9. My toddler was 23 months when her Sister was born. Everyone tells you that the second is easier but what they don't tell you is you is how tiring it is having two. I was shattered for the first 6 months. It will get better, in the meantime except all help offered (especially ironing and all the boring jobs)!!

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