I have been struggling a little lately, finding life with two littlies a challenge, losing sight of the good stuff and wanting to hide away.

Hiding away is my default position when I’m not at my best. I can’t face the constant refereeing of toddler squabbles, getting 3 lots of shoes and coats and 2 lots of nappies and snacks is too much of a hassle. Add to that, timing trips out with naps for teething Nano and it is easier to just continue in our bubble.

I am hiding myself away too though. When I find mothering hard, the last thing I want to do is make small talk with other mothers, about mothering. I don’t want to talk about potty training or nursery or how much TV they should or shouldn’t watch or whether Nano is sleeping through the night. In fact, I don’t really want to talk about anything much at all. I just want to hide, but hiding isn’t good and so I hide anyway and just feel bad about doing it.

I have tried this week to feel better. I started it spending some time with a lovely friend who I wish lived closer, reminding me that with the right people you don’t have to hide. I have stayed away from the time sucking internet in the evenings and got early nights instead in an attempt to feel less tired and I have filled my days with play, card making, ironing to Pixar and tidying during the day to try and reduce the chaos by bedtime. The children have fallen in to a routine whereby they tag team their naps (if Mini Mck naps at all) making the above list tricky, if not impossible.

Regardless of all of that, I am here, before 10am on a sunny Thursday, surveying the mess and feeling despondent that I have given up on our short attempt at potty training, even though I know it’s the right thing to do. One child is watching TV and the other is asleep and I know I should be using this time to get organised, to salvage my day and yet I cannot seem to move and instead am wallowing, overwhelmed by the feeling that I can’t cope, that I am tired, despite the early nights and that I am failing.

Of course, I will cope. I will have a cry, write a self indulgent moaning blog post and make a coffee. I am seeing one of my very closest friends next week and I know that even if we have to toddler wrangle it will be with good humour and comradeship. Perhaps then I will remember why hiding is not a good thing, or at least it isn’t if it goes on for too long.

Apologies for today’s less than cheery post, however, sometimes I have to let the brave face drop, even if it is just in front of a computer and accept that I am finding this hard and although it will pass, it is hard just now and that maybe I need to do something about that.

Normal service will resume shortly………..hopefully


12 thoughts on “Hiding

  1. I def have times like this, today for example, Thankfully L just asked to take her nap early so I'm sitting here weeping at items coming up on This Morning!! So true too about good friends as opposed to baby acquaintances. I'm meeting up with friends later and although I can't be bothered I shall force myself rather than stay here with L and get on each others wicks…Hope you feel better soon xx

  2. Hey you, I don't know if you've seen my recent blog posts but I understand where you are coming from. I can see how brave you are to be this honest about how you are feeling and it sounds like you are making efforts to do stuff so don't be too hard on yourself. Take care x

  3. I just want to remind you it's ok to have days where the only thing you do is make sure they are all alive at the end of the day. If that takes 8 hours of pixar then so be it. There will be other days for supermum.

  4. I don't think I have much to add as I'm out the other side, so to speak, and have a rubbish memory. But I did want to say I think you should be your own best friend at such times. And avoid the Internet (too full of perfection). Oh, and you can hide and still go out. Garden or park, just breathe in lungfuls of fresh air and turn your face to the sky. Hope you feel better soon xx

  5. I hide too and it can feel like a vicious circle. When you said you were going yo avoid the internet in the evenings, it struck a chord with me. I tend to look through blogs/websites for the answer, the magic key that will make me a yummy, go-getter mummy, but I just end up tired and crushed by the perfection I find. So I too will choose earlier nights and creativity to boost me. Wish me luck 🙂

  6. Huge big hugs honey. I have been hiding away for the past few days too, I didn't feel like chatting so I know how you feel. I'm here for you if you ever want to chat and I hope things will get better lovely Hugs xxx

  7. I used to force myself out, mainly to NCT groups because ours are so down to earth and no-one ever minded about the state of you and the state of your children. It gave me a routine to cling to when things got really tough.I think we often set ourselves up to fail by being unrealistic about what can be done. Sometimes, things won't just get done and that's not a failure, that's real life and how life as a mother of small children often is. Try not to have an ideal life, but try to have a happy one by accepting that life isn't ideal and full of things we haven't done. Hope you feel better soon.

  8. I used to bet he opposite to you. I used to have to be out. I hated the arguments and the drudgery of being with the boys at home.Safe to say you are not alone in feeling this, just make sure you choose Joy

  9. I am definitely a hider, I hated toddler groups with all their competitiveness and comparisons…they also bored me to tears. It was such a relief with Bonus Boy to realise I didn't have to go to them. I think we ought to swap phone numbers soon. xxx

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