The sight of new babies always makes me do a double take and that annoying head to the side, smiley thing, but just at the moment it is getting way beyond that. I can almost feel my uterus flip over. I don’t know what is the matter with me. What is this unfamiliar feeling? Broodiness, I guess. It feels very strange.
I can’t remember the last time I was broody. I know it was way way before Mini Mck was born. Getting to a point of an actual baby was so fraught with worry that broodiness fell by the wayside, pregnancy just became a nervous, on edge, month counting experience.
Once we did have Mini Mck I had to be cajoled into trying for another baby. Mini Mck was hard work and I had only just finished breastfeeding. For the first time, in what seemed like forever, I was content, not ready to go back to the nervousness and concern, but we did and there wasn’t time to feel broody before I fell pregnant.
It is my birthday today and it occurs to me that this is the first time since 2006 that I haven’t either been pregnant or had a small, reliant baby to care for. Perhaps that is why I find my stomach flip when I see tiny babies, even on Instagram, belonging to people I hardly know.
Nano Mck is fifteen months, so I guess it is inevitable that I should start to hanker after number three about now, added to which he is the easiest baby you could wish for, which surely tricks your brain into thinking that it is all easier than you remember. Although, can I really get away with calling him a baby anymore? When do they stop being babies? Is it when they can walk or, as I suspect, when they leave for university? Or maybe never?
I do know that the time for trying to get back on the baby track isn’t quite here. My brain knows that and I will certainly listen to my brain for a few more months at least. In the meantime perhaps I should try and enjoy feeling broody. As I said it’s been a long time and I have to admit I didn’t enjoy my pregnancies on either occasion. Maybe a period of longing will mean I do, when the time is eventually right.