Time markers are strange things. New years and birthdays don’t really mean anything. It’s just another day, except it isn’t really, is it? Opening a new diary causes me to reflect and look ahead and I find myself feeling quite at odds this new year. A look at timehop or last year’s diary reminds me that I was in the last stages of pregnancy, still anticipating those hundreds of baby days. Now we are racing towards Lady Mck’s first birthday. She is ten months old and it’s all gone so SO fast. Babbling, crawling, waving and clapping her hands suddenly makes those newborn days seem so lost. Over in a blur. The hours of having to hold her in the evening make them seem less so. This year she will walk and talk and maybe my breastfeeding days will be over forever. Nano will start school. So many endings for me, so many exciting beginnings for them.
On the other hand 2015 feels like it could be a breath of fresh air. We will finally have a house that fits us all, once our building project is over. There is a chance that Lady Mck may start sleeping more, or at least needing me a little less and the idea of some freedom is most welcome. I know from experience that often the things you don’t look forward to come and go with very little heartache and are often replaced with something just as good.
2014 has been a challenging year for us. I read somewhere the other day that life shouldn’t be hard, it should be a joyful thing and it really got me thinking. It’s true, and my life certainly isn’t hard and is packed full of joy. However, sometimes I think it’s inevitable that life is hard work and that’s quite a different thing. This year has been hard work. Three small children, including, in all honesty, not the easiest baby in the world, an allotment, tons of sorting and moving stuff to prepare for our builders and a teacher in the family, a job which seems to only get bigger and bigger as the years go on. We are always needing to *do* stuff, sort stuff, catch up, get organised and it’s been exhausting for both me and Mckdaddy. Any child free time, or should I say boy free time is taken up with chores and projects and whilst it’s still lovely to be around each other without interruption , it would be nice to not always be doing and I can see possibilities for that in 2015.
I want to be a better friend in 2015. I let things slide last year. Birthday cards didn’t get sent and thank you notes remained in my head. I didn’t contact the people who are important to me enough and we certainly didn’t make the effort to see those that are too far away for a coffee. I want to change that this year. I have been too passive, consumed with my baby and my tiredness and me. It’s the same with my blog and the blogging community. Passively reading and not commenting. It’s time to engage more with the world again.
I have been thinking of a word for 2015. Something I have seen over the past couple of years on some of my most loved blogs and an idea that originates from Susannah Conway’s blog. I have never been able to pinpoint a word before, but one keeps popping into my head when I think about 2015. I push it aside as it seems there is too much to do for this to be the right word, but it keeps coming back to me:
We have so much to do after our builders finally leave. Decorating most of the house, moving the boys into new rooms, but even that project feels like part of the rest plan. Everyone will be able to test where they are to stay. In their own space that will be theirs for the foreseeable future. However, even with that flurry of work, I want 2015 to be the year where we rest. I need to make time to restore my reserves and we need to rest as a family too. I see other families spending their free time on days out or see others doing cool, fun stuff with my kids while we miss out or are left with the drudgery, nagging bits. Day trips and excursions will probably never be my style, but stomping around the woods, taking the bikes on a muddy track or even just a whole afternoon of Lego building are and we must make them happen more often, instead of tag team parenting every weekend.
I am all too guilty of getting caught up in the cult of busyness and it’s time to stop. Time to make time for the things that bring me joy and soothe my soul. Time alone, time with Mckdaddy, time with my little family and time with friends. The more I’ve thought about the word rest and what it means for me, the more it seems that rest takes effort. This seems counterintuitive and that’s why I’ve wavered on my choice, thinking that maybe, balance would be a better choice, but still I come back to rest.
The effort to make our home right for us, the effort to visit friends, the effort to get organised so we can spend more time having fun will all contribute to make my environment feel more restful and myself restored and rested, full of the things that make me happy.
How about you, what are your plans for 2015 or do you run as fast as you can from reflecting and planning when a new year begins?