Brains and voices. 

Brains are funny things, or more specifically, mindsets. How we think, not only affects how we feel, but even how we perceive something. It actually changes our reality. Let me give you an example of what I mean. 

As you may know, Lady Mck finds it very hard to fall asleep at bedtime and even when she does fall asleep, she doesn’t always like to be put in her cot. I feed her, we rock her in our arms, we cuddle her, but if none of this works, we will put her in her pushchair and rock that and she usually drifts off into a lovely, long sleep. When this happens I think I’ve failed, that I wasn’t patient enough and gave up too easily or that long term I’ve messed up. Mckdaddy thinks…..nothing, or even “Yes! She’s asleep” 

The facts of what has happened are the same, but the reality that Mckdaddy and I have constructed are quite different. It would be fascinating if I wasn’t someone who’s negative thought patterns didn’t cloud so much of my experience. Negative thinking is so ingrained I wonder how often in my day reality is shifted by it, without me even noticing. Tens, at least, I imagine. A phrase I use quite often is “It is what it is”. Usually when I’m just trying to plough through something that’s a bit rubbish or something has happened, beyond our control, that we need to deal with, but it occurs to me that nothing “is what it is”, everything is what we construct it to be. 

Where does this negative thinking come from? Why are some people able to breeze through, while others have this negative ‘other’ voice whispering in their ear? I heard someone say recently that we would never talk to others the way we talk to ourselves.  It’s true. I would never speak to a friend or even someone I didn’t like, the way I did to myself and if I knew someone who was talking that kind of trash about a friend of mine, I would tell them to ignore it and move on. I would tell them that they are doing the best they can and that they fill their family’s life with love and joy. I would tell them that they are a great friend and one of the good ones. Yet, some of us talk to ourselves, all day long, in our heads with such disrespect. We are often told to “Be kind to yourself” and it usually means, get enough rest, have a cuppa, do something we enjoy. Whereas it really should mean “stop being such a bitch to yourself” 

I realise this all poses more questions than it answers, because I don’t have the answers. I’ve been a negative thinker, or more accurately, negative over thinker, for as long as I can remember and I have no idea where it comes from or how to change it, but I think, perhaps a good start would be to remind myself not to be such a bitch. 

  

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2 thoughts on “Brains and voices. 

  1. I think I may be the complete opposite, I’m an eternal optimist, always see the positives. But often too much so and don’t get upset or emotional enough when bad things happen. My boss told me recently that I come across as very laid back and he wasn’t saying it as a positive, but rather that I need to show I care more. I struggle though to show I care unless I’m truly passionate about something. Not sure that helps you whatsoever of course 🙂

  2. Great post. Came across it via your comment on Not Another Mummy Blog and glad I came over to read it.

    I don’t have magic answers for you but I did do some stuff in pain therapy around the interaction between thoughts, emotions and physical sensations (in my case that’d be pain). They all feed into and off one another, but in a sense thoughts are the easiest to regulate. Anyway, one of the things they teach you about is various negative thinking traps. A lot of what you discuss here resonates with that. I can try and dig out the worksheet if you think it would be helpful. Otherwise you could probably find stuff by Googling negative thinking patterns catastrophising or something like that (one of them is called catastrophising).

    Hope you feel better soon x

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