Thoughts #6

You may notice that Thoughts on a Sunday has become Thoughts, because, well, I have thoughts at all times and frankly even though it’s a day off, writing on a Sunday just isn’t possible. It also occurs to me that I should make some notes for these posts throughout the week, because as I now sit to write, the blank page looks awfully blank and my mind seems to be the same.

I have been thinking about blogging a little today and how much it has changed. I like to think that my attitude towards it hasn’t changed, but I think I feel less confident with my subjects these days. By the power of Timehop I read this post from three years ago today and the bit that stood out to me, apart from how writing honestly and from the heart suits me, was that I mentioned, what I still believe to be true, that a blog isn’t a magazine. I don’t remember being particularly aware of people talking about themselves as a brand. I am sure they did, but I wasn’t aware of it.

As my blogging years have increased I’ve felt that I don’t belong to any one ‘tribe’ and I’ve always been OK with that, but increasingly I feel a little like I fall through the cracks. Partly, I know that’s a time thing, I don’t spend enough time writing or reading blogs, but it’s funny how these destructive thoughts wheedle their way into your brain and gradually you find yourself less and less able to express yourself, focussing more and more on what your’re not happy with. I guess it’s always difficult to put something you’ve created out there. To ask others to read and await their feedback, even if you tell yourself the response isn’t the important thing.  I’m not sure I know the answer to all this, but that’s the beauty of these posts, it’s just thoughts.

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I’ve been ill this week. What I thought was the beginnings of a cold, quickly revealed itself to be tonsillitis. Thankfully not as terrible as I’ve had in the past, but still pretty rubbish. I have a vision of an acceptable way of being ill. My house is clean and tidy and Mckdad is here to bring me cups of tea and look after the children. I stay in bed, sleeping, watching iplayer or Netflix and reading blogs. Of course, it isn’t like that. It’s midweek, the house is a tip as I’d planned to have a huge clean while my mum had Lady Mck and obviously there are still meals to cook, school runs to be done and kids to be entertained. I am taking a bit of time out today, now we are in the holidays and I am hoping my ability to swallow and eat without wincing returns soon.

I also smashed my phone screen. (It’s not been the best of weeks tbh) Properly, flew out of my bag high into the air and fell on the school playground, kind of smashed. It occurred to me as fellow school Mums tried to make me feel better, but pointing out it still worked and that I could still use it, that many people have smartphones and don’t use them to take photos every single day, that they don’t document their lives. Initially, I felt a little ashamed of my iPhone addiction, then I decided that a life where I don’t document the small and the joyful and the noteworthy, is not something I want. Is there anything lovelier than getting lost down a rabbit hole of looking back at your own Instagram feed. My life would be poorer if I didn’t have this archive.

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The holidays are finally here. I know it’s been the shortest term ever, but it feels like we truly have limped along to the holidays. Is this just me? I’m not sure I’ve quite got used to Nano being at school. It feels as if, now I have two kids there, I miss them more. There seems to be far to much ‘term’ and not enough holiday. We have two weeks of not very much planned and this really is my favourite kind of holiday, although I am hoping to decorate our lounge. Watch this space!

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