Hello Friends. Are you up for a bit of a ramble? I started an Instagram post today and the words underneath became so long, I thought perhaps I should just write a blog. Sometimes there is just too many words in our heads for microblogging. I’m never really sure whether to publish my ran some brain dumps, but it always makes me feel clearer and I remind myself that you don’t visit for a magazine read, or at least I assume you don’t.
Today seems to be The Perfect Storm for a day filled with anxiety. One of the boys has been having some minor friendship troubles this week. Something we haven’t really had to face before. It occurs to me that the true challenge of parenting, is that it is always new. A new situation or with a different child makes us feel that we are on a high wire, with no training. I’m not sure that feeling ever really goes away and trying to guide our children through rocky waters, when frankly, I still feel I’m working this stuff out for myself is stressful.
We had a night of broken sleep last night, Lady Mck awake for nearly two hours at 1am and Nano up at 2am, then up for the day at 5:30. It’s amazing how many years of my life I have been woken several times a night for many nights in succession and have handled it admirably. Today, after only one night, I feel broken. Add to this a hormonal time of the month and a big Brexit ‘hangover’ to the point where I can’t really process what seems to be happening to our little country just now, every day the news becomes more upsetting. So, I can feel the tiredness and anxiety coursing through me. With a solo bedtime ahead I am steeling myself for a long day.
However, I managed to get everyone out of the house, with everything they needed and deliver the boys to school, on time, with no shouting at any of them. I only wish I could display as much self-control on a ‘normal’day. I guess, sometimes, when we know what is really driving our reactions, we rise to the challenge. I know that letting my emotions rule today is not going to end well, so I reach a level of calm that I don’t usually display. I only hope I can keep it going until the children are all in bed.
So, today is for the small victories. It’s not for trying to be Superwoman. There will be no big cleaning or decluttering. Today is a day for simply keeping on top of the washing and wishing I had a tumble dryer, because, British Summer. Today is for making sure we all eat and that I am thinking of the next thing coming up. Today is for tidying as I go and keeping the train on the tracks. Today is for making sure I drink enough water and coffee, but not too much coffee. Today is for grabbing five minutes to knit a row or tow, to feel yarn through my fingers and today is a day for kittens, there’s always kittens.
Today is for understanding. Understanding why I feel the way I do, why I want to react the way I do. Understanding that I am not the only one who is tired and that they need to me to help them deal with their emotions. Understanding that I can’t fix everything.
And today is most definitely a day for an early night