In-betweeny days

Hello friends. It seems my intentions to start writing here again quickly fell by the wayside. I’ve been pondering whether 2018 is the year when I will finally say goodbye to this space. Every time I post now, I do feel that it just gets lost amongst the many other blogs that are around and I struggle with where and how to get people to read it. I know it’s not all about statistics, but if the audience is so small, I may as well just write a private journal. However, the thought of saying goodbye to this space always feels too difficult. Perhaps it will just fade away until I no longer think about posting.

How has your festive season been? I hope you’ve had the chance to spend it how you want to, whether that be turning the Christmas up to full tinsel, or just having some time to pause and rest and reflect.

I’ve realised that these in-betweeny days are my favourite. Every year I seem to struggle with the run up to Christmas. The hype starts too early for me. I feel this pressure mounting to get everything done in time. School and pre-school go crazy with lots of extra things to remember and Mckdad is around less because, of course his school also has lots going on. This year, was particularly challenging, mostly because I just wasn’t organised enough and didn’t start early or plan things. I’ve already decided that next year will be different. I will plan early. The advent calendar activities will be planned and not decided the night before they are due. Large family gatherings will be a meal out, rather than me feeling I should always host and put in so much effort and work.

However, now that is all done and I feel the whole family has been able to take a huge breath. This is really the only time of the year that we have few plans. We don’t embark on any house projects, or go away. Sometimes, I find that hard, to be doing nothing. I am a planner by nature. I’m not great at ‘wasting’ a day. However, I seem to have managed it this week. A little light tidying here, a load of washing to do there, but mostly I have been able to hang out with the kids a little and find pockets of time to pick up a crochet hook or the knitting needles.

One thing I will definitely be keeping in mind this year, is that it is OK to prefer this quiet, calm bit that falls after Christmas and that I am not failing at Christmas if I find the run up to it quite stressful. I feel this pressure to love it all, as that’s what I see everyone else doing. The pressure is entirely self-inflicted and I need to get better at thinking “they are them and I am me and that’s OK”. In fact, I need to get better at that is all aspects of my life. If I have any New Year’s Resolution, it is that.

Yes, I did say, crochet hook! I have been doing a little secret project for The Fibre Co. with my crochet, work hat on. I wondered if I would remember how, but the muscle memory is still there and I’d forgotten how satisfying it is to work on little motifs, repeating each step over and over again. I also have a sweater that is so close to being finished, I can almost feel myself wearing it. I have high hopes for this one and can’t wait to share it with you.

As this Twixmas time moves towards New Year, I naturally find that I am ready to start thinking about real life again. I begin to think about lists and work and being more organised. I really do need to up my game here. I found the last school term a struggle. As if I never really got into the swing of it. Everything felt last minute and really that just stresses me out. I already have the boys PE and swimming kits packed and today I must order the school lunches. That is a huge improvement already! I may even get the iron out before they go back, but let’s not get carried away, I still have family films to watch each afternoon and a few mince pies to finish off.

Happy New Year to all of you and hopefully I’ll be back soon…….or maybe not soon, but back at least.

When Me and Mine goes wrong

At the beginning of the year, I decided to take part in the Me and Mine photo project. One photo, once a month of the whole family. I had got a new camera for Christmas and a tripod and so was excited for the shots I could take and by having a monthly picture of all of us to keep. I love seeing everyone else’s shots, all so smiley and happy looking, but it turned out not to be so easy. In fact it all just became a really stressful stick to beat myself with.

We discovered pretty quickly that Nano hated the whole process. As soon as I even got the tripod out he would start to create havoc. Each photo was preceded by lots of cajoling, pleading, getting irritated and lots of tears and shouting from him (and I’ll be honest some shouting from us too). It wasn’t that I had stupidly high standards to get that perfect shot, even getting him in front of the camera was almost impossible. Everyone in the actual frame would’ve been enough for me. Every photo that I did manage to get was tinged with sadness when I looked at it, as I remembered the difficulty and upset that it took to get there.

I thought perhaps I would just take them without him. That if he wanted to join in, he could and if he didn’t I would share photos of the rest of us, but I just couldn’t do it. Each photo to me just had a huge Nano shaped gap in it and I realised that I didn’t want to document our months with someone missing. I tried just a quick snap with my iphone, but even that wasn’t something he was up for. As is proved by the shot below, taken on top of a mountain in France, where believe me, you do not want a six year old having a huge tantrum and running away from you in a rage! You can just see the top of his head in the bottom left of the frame. He was crying.

I did manage to get one set of photos, which I completely love and one in particular where everyone was looking in the right direction and standing in the way that I asked them. I’ve printed a large copy, framed it and hung in on the wall. It seems fitting that such a rare thing should be hung for all to see. Nano and I were looking at it the other day and he mentioned that he liked the photo, but that it would be better if we were all standing in height order. I thought back to the day in question and remembered that it took us ages to get this shot and we had already gone through, at least two tantrums. The only way I could get the photo was to get everyone else set up and have him join us at the last minute standing next to Mckdad.

They say that a photo speaks a thousand words, but sometimes it can hide just as many. When you look at that simple shot, of a happy family standing against a wall, there is no way of knowing how hard it was to take.

I read a lot online about the importance of capturing those family moments, about making sure we are all pictured together and whilst that is a lovely sentiment, I don’t think I should be pushing it, if we are not all happy about it.

And so I have come to the conclusion that the Me and Mine Project is not for us. Of course, I am sad about it and look longingly at the beautiful pictures that others have to share and keep for themselves. However, I don’t want it to be a thing we all dread and hate and I must simply accept that our photographic memories will have to be more candid, more relaxed and probably not all of us together.

I found this post really hard to publish. I wonder if it’s because I’m concerned it could be read as a criticism of the project and those lovely family shots that I see everyone else post. It isn’t. I love reading everyone’s posts and seeing the happy shots. Yes, there is a little tinge of sadness and envy, but not resentment. The Me and Mine Project will still encourage me to try and get us all in the frame every now and again, but just not push it.

I love …….{for a 3rd birthday}

Please tell me I’m not the only one who occasionally writes a post and forgets to finish it off and publish it. This one was actually intending for the beginning of March. Ooops!

The birthday season is upon us. Three birthdays, evenly spaced over three months, that leave me feeling bittersweet and a little exhausted. The first out of the gates is my littlest love. Born quickly and at home, on the most gorgeous, crisp first day of Spring. I remember being amazed that she was a girl (still am!) and relieved that she would always have a March birthday. Now she is three and these are the things I love.

I love that you care. If anyone is upset, you want to give them a cuddle. If I am cross with you, you will tell me “don’t be sad, Mummy” and say sorry…..most of the time. I love that you can tell me and others how you feel. Your speech is amazing, but you can also put words to your emotions and explain when you don’t like something. This makes me so proud.

I love how you move. You adore your gymnastics class and push yourself every week to do something a little new. You can balance really well and climb really high. You will jump from a higher place than when you started and throughout it all you have the most enormous smile on your face. I love that you sort the hoops into colours, before you start playing with them. I love that you want to show the teacher what you can do and ask him how each piece of equipment works. I love that you climb on the end of your bed, to be able to reach your clock and your light at the end of the day and that you insist of doing everything yourself.

I love that you are like my little companion. We don’t do very much, in the way of groups, but you are more than happy to follow me around the house, helping me or doing your own thing, but always nearby. I love that you are easy in the supermarket. You push the trolley and get things we need off the shelves and then when it is too heavy to push, you ask to get in the seat and you stay there until we have finished, helping to put the shopping on the conveyer belt and charming staff and customers while we shop. You will bake with me and help me prepare lunch or a cup of tea. You don’t mind what we do, as long as you can be involved.

I love that you love our cats. You properly look after them. You feed them and stroke them so gently. I love that you don’t rush at them. You know to move slowly and quietly. You talk to them gently. “You’re a good cat, Mabel” “Sophie is so soft and cuddly” and even our grumpy, fat, old man cat rubs himself around your legs for a stroke and a top up of food in his bowl. I love that they are not scared of you. They will jump on your bed, while we are reading your bedtime story and stay while you fuss them and I read.

I love how much you are learning. You can hold a pen and are starting to draw shapes and numbers. I love that you love an activity book. I love that you have started to build Lego……and you are really good too! I love your small world play. I love to listen as you make your toys talk to each other and talk to you. In fact, you talk to yourself a lot and I love it. I love that you want to bike and scoot, run and throw. You just want to be doing something all the time. I love that you scoot so fast down our hill, that I cannot watch, as it scares me too much.

I love your hair. It is all the way down your back now, something that you tell me is “just like Cinderella”. Your most favourite way to wear it now, is in two little plaits. I love that they stay in all day, but are messy and straggley within half and hour. I love that when you do let me brush it, it looks like golden thread.

I love your relationships with your family. You love so large. Your brother, your Dad and even your wider family. You love spending time with your Aunt, your Godfather and your Grandparents and they all love spending time with you. But I also love that still, I am your person. The one you want to have a cuddle with, the one you need to go to when you are upset, the one you need to make you feel comforted and safe. I am still that person and I love that.

Me and Mine {February 2017}

February is quick, right? I mean, I know I’m not just imagining it, but it is only a few days shorter than the other months and yet, seems to whizz by in a blur. This is always the case when a school holiday falls in a month, I think. It makes time so funny. You have the wind down week, when it feels as though we are limping towards the holiday, the holiday itself and then the first week back, when it feels that we’ve forgotten our routine and it’s all a bit of struggle.

We were all ill, basically for most, if not all of the month. Just a horrible niggling cold that would not budge. My children are pretty awesome when they are ill, they kind of battle on and really just get on with it, but still it often involves disturbed sleep and plenty of grumpiness. Mini Mck is the most stoical and for the last week of term, he really did look like a pale husk of himself. I even offered him a day off, but he does love school.

I feel like I properly started work in February. I got my child care ducks in a row, found a routine and really got stuck in. I am doing some work for a yarn company! If you are a regular reader, you will know what am absolute thrill that is for me and I am absolutely LOVING it. I never imagined my tentative return to the workplace would be such a great fit and so exciting. I am very lucky.

We packed so much into half-term, without doing much at all and those are my favourite kinds of break. I hate the feeling of going back to the routine and thinking we have wasted our precious time. We decorated with the children at home, which was a first and went surprisingly well. You can see more of that on my Instagram feed. Dan worked a day, while I took the boys to the forest and had a great day with them. I worked a day and left the childcare to Dan, which was nice for everyone and then we spent the rest of the week doing fun stuff. A pyjama day, Lego Batman, lunch out, some time for Dan  and I to do stuff we wanted, while the other amused the kids and lots of playing.

Last month’s photos were a great start to the Me and Mine project. Everyone behaved and I managed to have make up on. This month, they are actually much more us. Messy hair, messy allotment, wellies, no make up, children removing their shoes and refusing to sit still, or pulling a ‘hilarious’ face. However, I love them. They were taken on a beautiful morning at the allotment, right at the beginning of the month. Our first bonfire of the year. You know what they say. The family who burns stuff together, stays together. Probably.

My Dad loves a bonfire. He simply could not resist the opportunity to join us, despite the fact that he’d returned from two months in Spain just the night before. I love the shots of him and Mini Mck running the fire. MM is now at an age where is is real help at the allotment, when he wants to be, of course. Watching him chop sticks and throw stuff on was ace, with much vocal guidance from Grandad, of course. Dan was busy cutting raspberry canes and dismantelling a rundown metal and glass greenhouse, the little ones dug holes and me? Honestly, I didn’t do much except chuck some stuff on the fire and take photos, but I don’t think anyone noticed.

This last shot was really the only sensible one of the whole lot, but that’s the thing with kids, you get one chance and it last about thirty seconds. I like to think it adds an extra challenge to the photography side of things.

This post is linked up with the Me and Mine project – hosted by Dear Beautiful, Bump to Baby, Capture By Lucy, Let’s Talk Mommy, Mummy Daddy Me, Our Life As We See It and Tigerlilly Quinn – where you take a photograph a month of your family all together.

Small Things {The Autumn Edition}

In the spirit of wanting less and being happpier with what we already have, I have been thinking of the small things that make these dark, blustery autumn months feed our soul. This week, I could so easily have written a post on the many things that irritate me, that everyone else seems to love, but I’ll strive to keep the internet a positive place and if you want that post, you’ll have to ask for it! Despite an attack of the grumps, there is still more to November than dark nights and soggy school runs. 

Finally having the chimney swept and building the first fire of the year, Bonfire season at the allotment, National Sausage Week. Having dinner bubbling in the Slow Cooker. Toddlers kicking through ankle-deep leaves. A crisp start to autumn that makes the tress put on such a show when the leaves are ready to fall. Discovering a child friendly cafe.

Treating yourself to a new herbal tea and finding that it is absolutely gorgeous and soothing. Paying off your library fines and so redisvering the joy of browsing the shelves and choosing some new books. Taking library books back, not only on time, but read and on time. Discovering a fresh, decaffienated coffee that actually tastes nice. Buying posh yoghurts simply because you know the glass jars will make nice candle holders and finding the yoghurt is delicious too. Closing the curtains at dusk, turning the lights on and knowing you don’t have to go out again for the rest of the day, putting your comfies on. Remembering to put a hot water bottle in your bed before you get in it. Good Autumn Tele (have you seen The Crown on Netflix? SU-blime!) New episodes of Gilmore Girls (FOUR DAYS PEOPLE)

Finding a new podcast that you love and can binge listen to. Baking a cake that you haven’t done before and knowing that it’s not quite right but that your’re going to keep trying until it’s perfect. Tate & Lyle’s Halloween Treacle tin. Cats who like to curl up next to you and purr very loudly. Starting a big knitting project, especially for yourself. Instagram, before the trail of Christmas trees arrive on December 1st. An evening of no TV after school, where the children all sit together, near enough for me to see and speak to them, all happy doing this own drawing/puzzles/homework. Making a fresh batch of Granola. 

Going to bed early to read a really good book. Staying up too late, reading your book and not caring that you’re going to be tired tomorrow, because it really is a good book. Finding a long forgotten piece of clothing and feeling like you’ve been shopping, even though you haven’t. Two hours child free time, to go Christmas Shopping with your partner and spending nearly all of it buying books for people. Finishing off homemade Christmas presents. Getting donations in for the school fair a week before the deadline. Parent’s Evening. Putting the children to bed on your own and getting it all done by half past seven. Going out with new friends. Staying in. Still getting the occasional day when you can hang your washing out. 

So, you see, there are in fact many good things about this dark and damp month. I guess we all just need to look for them. What is keeping you smiling this week? 

Bye Bye Baby

Everyone seems to have differing views as to when a baby becomes a toddler. Some seem to class their baby days as being over as soon as that first year is done, others when a child actually starts toddling or perhaps when they turn two. For me, it’s the absence of certain things. At two, Lady Mck was still feeding and in nappies and in a cot. I still kept the pushchair in the boot. In my mind I still thought of her as the baby.

Six months later it has become clear to me that we are no longer a household with a baby. She stopped feeding three months ago and a month later was out of nappies. I found an old bib in a bag the other day and went to put it in the wash and it suddenly occurred to me that she hasn’t worn a bib for months and so I binned it, with a whimsical sigh.

I felt the lasts from the moment she was born. I can remember, as my uterus painfully shrunk back to it’s ‘no baby’ size that I would never experience childbirth again, that I would never have that feeling of a person moving inside of me. An odd and unusual feeling and something that is hard to remember after the fact.

It’s a little bittersweet, but mostly I find the prospect of no more babies is something I feel fine about. As I edited thousands of old photos a few weeks ago, I found myself wondering where the time has gone and yearning to hold them all as tiny babies, once more. I find it so hard to hold on to this stuff in my memory. I guess that early time goes so fast, because we are gripped in a rollercoaster of love and transition, hormones and tiredness. It takes on a dreamlike state as I look back. I have become that woman who overly coos at random newborns and their parents and I really must get a a grip on that.

However, mostly, I find that I am loving this new stage of our family. By the time the boys were the age that Lady Mck is now, they had a younger sibling, or one was imminent. I have never had an older toddler at home by themselves and it is a real treat. We no longer have to think about pushchairs and changing facilities and the lack of the buggy in my car means we can actually fit the shopping in now! Lady Mck is able to play and learn and she is soaking up life. During school hours I don’t feel I am corralling a herd of children, it’s just she and I. When we wait for Nano to finish his drama class, she will happily do a sticker book, or play with a quiet, small toy. Stacking, threading, sorting, drawing and sticking can all amuse her for longer now. I am just holding out for the colouring stage and hoping she gets the bug, like her eldest brother did.

Despite, the odd yearning for a tiny new life, I know in my head and in my heart that we are done. Three is enough. In fact, I’ll be honest and say that three is hard, much harder than I imagined, but it is the right number for us. A few weeks ago, Nano was asking for more babies and Mckdad cruelly played along. My reaction to the idea of a fourth was telling and enfatic. It was a big NO from me.

And so, when those yearning come, I know that they are really just yearnings for time to slow down a bit, they are not real. What is happening now is what is real.

What I did this summer…..

Hello friends! Long time, no speak. How are you all? How was your summer? My blog break went on a little longer than I intended, mainly because I had lots of good intentions to write and finish off posts ready for publishing in September and do you know what I did instead? NOTHING! Not a word escaped my keyboard or pen and I switched off completely. It was a nice break, but the thing I missed the most was the connections. I miss my ‘people’. I found that by switching off my blog brain, it also switched off my social media brain and in the whole of August I posted only nine pictures to Instagram. I missed hearing about your lives and reading your blogs and I missed sharing the details of mine. It began to feel I would never want to write in this space again, but then, just as quickly as I needed a break, I suddenly felt ideas seeping into my brain and quickly wrote them down and then it just seemed easy to sit in front of the screen again. 

So, if I wasn’t noodling my time away on-line, what did I do this summer? And, as I’ve missed you all so much, what did you do? 

This summer I camped……

We kept our holiday low key this year. We’d really like to get a trailer for our camping stuff in time for next summer and take the plunge with a nice, long European trip, so this year we wanted to keep costs low and we couldn’t all fit in one car anyway. So, we took ourselves off to our favourite campsite, which is only 45 minutes away. We are so lucky to live where we do. As you will probably guess from my Instagram, I love living in Norwich, but we are so fortunate to be so close to the beautiful North Norfolk coast as well. We went twice for five days at a time. The first time with some lovely friends from school. A gaggle of crazy boys and our girl, who adored them all and we had a fabulous time. Then, we returned for some time with just the five of us. We were treated to the most glorious weather and truly felt there had been no need for us to venture further a field. 

This summer I watched a lot of Gilmore Girls…….and I mean a lot….

I had never watched a whole episode of Gilmore Girls until this summer. I had seen the odd bit on E4 over the years and had always found it deeply irritating. The quirky, fast, wise cracking way of talking seemed so contrived and I just never got it. However, so many people who I love, love it. People who definitely share my taste in TV and I just kept thinking that if they love it, surely I should. So, much like some unwelcome homework project, I decided I needed to give it a proper chance and watch some, from the beginning on Netflix. I am now totally hooked and was so after the first few episodes. I am no embarking on the last series. Yes, that’s right, I have watched six series of twenty two episodes! See, I told you, I watched a lot of Gilmore Girls.

This summer I crossed things of our big list…..

Last summer was the summer of painting after our loft conversions. What felt like acres of bare plastered wall that needed to be covered. This summer, we didn’t have a huge project. I’m not sure quite how I feel about that. There’s still so much we need to do in our house. I would love to wave a magic wand and have it all done, but sadly that’s not going to happen. However, this summer, we didn’t feel up for a big decorating project and so we made a effort to do some finishing off. We put things on the wall, we put up bookshelves, Mckdad made some more progress on his office, with shelves and lighting to make it a workable space. We tidied our shed…..a huge job and tidied the toy cupboard again. As a result of all this I bought lots of house plants. In fact, buying house plants should almost have a section to itself! 

This summer I pootled and pottered….

Six lovely weeks of mostly dry, sunny weather and very little in the way of plans was just what we all needed to recharge ourselves. We spent lots of those days pooling around at home, with some members of the family (Nano) deciding on these days that wearing clothes is so last year. We planned small, close to home activities. Mornings in the park, bike rides into the city, chips from the market, a morning at the allotment. We reminded ourselves that our children don’t need and we don’t want, great, expensive excursions and to be entertained every day they are not at school. We put the TV away and the lack of temptation meant that they all found other things to fill their time. We arranged for grandparents to have one or two of them and these changes in our family dynamic for a few hours were like a breath of fresh air. 

When I look back at our summer break, it’s hard to put my finger on what we really did do. In fact, it makes me a little sad that I didn’t take more photos. I know it was a good one, but in years to come, it’ll be the photos that remind me of why. You see, regardless of it’s bad reputation, social media has it’s place, at least it does for me and I imagine for you too? 

The truth about siblings

This post has been rattling around in my head for so many years I can’t even remember when I first wanted to write it.  Possibly when MM was three and had stopped smacking Nano indiscriminately as he walked past him. This was after the slightly humourous habit he had of giving his ‘only just learnt to sit’ baby brother a gentle shove as he walked past, hence toppling him over, like a skittle. Humourous now, at the time, very very annoying. When we look at Social Media lives, the things that grate with us are more to do with us than anyone else and the thing that always bothers me are the super sweet Instagram posts that only mention the lovely side of siblings. It always made me wonder why it was only my children who would fight and argue and bicker, but I’ve come to realise that my children have perfectly normal, healthy sibling relationships.

 

Both the boys were two when a younger sibling arrived in their lives for the first time and they both reacted in very similar ways. Fascinated by the new arrival, keen to interact with them, occasionally beautifully affectionate, but mostly irritated by the time their new sibling took up, unable to really interact with them, confused about the new family dynamic and too young to recognise these feelings or react to them in any way, other than physically or acting out in a general way.

It’s extremely hard to be faced with the prospect of your baby getting a shove or a poke. We immediately go on the defensive when we feel our children are being threatened. It’s even harder when the person dolling out this behaviour is your, previously passive and adorable, toddler, who you also want to defend. Add to this that you are probably exhausted and that things always seem to explode when your baby is finally happy and content and you have your hands free for a moment, it’s no surprise that emotions run high for everyone, adults included.

I like to think that I was and am fairly relaxed about these sibling squabbles. I really did get why my two year old would want to hug his baby sibling in a manner that wasn’t really a hug. It wasn’t that their behaviour didn’t make me mad or exasperated and frustrated, but I always thought it was normal and that as they got older, it would change and be easier, until, of course, someone raised their eyebrow or I saw the Insta-life of someone declaring that their small children were devoted to one another. Then, I would question myself. Question whether we were doing the right thing by keeping our reactions low key and not making a huge fuss.

Fast forward a few years and it turns out I was right. Their behaviour was normal. The dynamics of having three children aged 6, 4 and 2 is actually really interesting and watching their relationships with each other wax and wane is fascinating. Mini Mck is pretty much devoted to the his sister. The almost five year age gap showed me a very different sibling relationship. He’s never physical with her, always amazingly patient with her and is able to express what upsets him pretty well. He understands that if he doesn’t want her to eat his sweets, or break his Lego he needs to get it out of her way. He is completely different to how he was when his brother was born.

The ones that are closer in age also have nice relationships, but they can be equally as challenging and difficult to navigate. Nano seems like great fun to his sister and they can enjoy the same things more easily, just as he also has things in common with his older brother, but in both of these relationships there is friction. Perfectly normal friction. There is jealously, frustration, occasional hitting, definitely shouting and lots and lots of laughter.

But here’s the truth about siblings, they FIGHT, they ARGUE and sometimes they hit. It’s horrible, but they learn to be better and here’s the other truth, it’s all NORMAL. Imagine having to live with the same people all the time. People that you didn’t choose to live with. I mean, let’s face it, living with people we have chosen to live with is hard enough. I love Mckdaddy with everything I have and yet sometimes he can be the most annoying person on the planet, but I am an adult (most of the time) and can recognise my emotions, take a step back and maybe spend some time away from him, or just take a breath. That’s not always possible when you are 6 or 4 or 2 or even older.

The thing that finally made me write this post was a little spate of new siblings in my blog and Instagram and some of the older siblings struggling to adjust, so this post is for all those Mamas living it at the moment. My message to you is: Don’t fret, give lots of cuddles to everyone and just know that this bit gets easier, at least it does for now.

I love…..{for a 2nd birthday}

Last month saw a birthday in our house. Once that I let go unmarked here and I want to put that right. So many of the post I like to re-read are ones that capture my children in a moment of time. They may not be the most read or shared, but they are some of my favourites and so they can sit along side the other bits of my life that make it here. Here are some of the things I love…..

I love that your hair curls at the ends. I love that it is long enough for teeny tiny cute bunches. I love that each day your speech is growing, new words and full sentences tumble from your mouth and never fail to astound me. I love that you tidy up, you put things in the bin when you are finished, you take your shoes off and very carefully line them up in the shoe cupboard, you hang up your coat. Of course, you also empty the Tupperware drawer and mix all the food in the larder drawer. I’ll be honest, I don’t love that so much.

I love that you talk about your day when we sit in the rocking chair at the end of the day. I love that you can ask for a cuddle, when you’ve had enough milk. I love that you try and hold all your stuffed toys at bedtime, until you realise that you won’t be able to reach me to have your milk and you quickly reject all, except your precious Felix Bear. I love that you tell me what you need to fall asleep “Sing Mummy” or just as common “NO sing Mummy!”. I love that you try to sing along with me, tunelessly.

I love that you want to choose the clothes to wear or even which pyjamas you want to wear. I love that you will try to dress yourself and can definitely undress yourself. I love that you put your brothers pants on over the top of your own trousers and try to sit on the toilet, even though you’ve already filled your nappy.

I love that you smile, almost all the time. You are either extremely happy or extremely sad and upset. There is little in between. I love that you want to climb and jump and be held upside down. You are fearless and will find yourself of any surface into your biggest brother’s arms. I love that you try to climb the doorframe, just as they do. “MY TURN MY TURN”

I love that you make sure everyone in the family is OK and that we have all kissed and cuddled each other at the end of the day or when your Daddy leaves each morning. I love that you follow your brothers and allow them to lead you in play, but are also not shy in bossing them around.

I love that you want to solve problems, you like to work things out and sometimes will even take some guidance in how to do things. You will try again and get it right. I love that you want to play rough, big games. You love to jump of high things into people’s arms and be held upside down for as long as possible. I love that when we have had enough and want to stop the game, you say “Last time. Last time”

Caring for a two year old is hard work, especially one who still needs so much touch time, but I love watching the person that you are becoming. I love watching you change from a baby into a child.

A very late, but very big Happy Birthday to my littlest love.

Delightful

I love a newborn. That bunched up little bundle who fits neatly in the crook of your arm and weighs nothing. Snuffly, yawny little creature who smell like milk and sleep most of the day. That time is just a heartbeat in the scheme of thugs and it rushes by so fast it’s hard to grasp hold of. It makes me a little sad, but as I’m mourned those precious days as they zoomed by I forgot what was to come. I forgot how delightful older babies are.

Lady Mck is in that delicious older baby time now. All my babies have been happy souls, even the ones that didn’t sleep so well. At this lovely age she is just so delighted with the world and everybody in it. She gives out smiles and twinkles freely and I often find her giggling at something that has taken her fancy, often when we are all laughing but sometimes just because she thinks it’s funny. They are suddenly doing so much, changing so much. Waving, crawling, standing, working out how the world works and emptying boxes, bags and baskets is the extent of their naughtiness.

I don’t want to overstate this blissful time. She is still a girl who likes to be held and particularly likes to be near me, but when she isn’t tired or hungry or poorly, she’s quite happy to charm everyone around her and show off her latest tricks.

I’ve seen people in the past thinking their baby is no longer a baby once they reach one, but they still are absolutely 100% baby, just an older, different kind of baby. None of the head banging frustration that parenting a toddler brings. Like the newborn stage it lasts such a short time though. It’s over in a blink. Before we know it, she’ll be starting to walk and the baby will start to be replaced by a toddler, so I’m marking this time and holding on to the delightfulness of the older baby.

 

Please excuse Nano spitting out food purely for the entertainment of his sister, BUT she finds it so entertaining, I just couldn’t resist.