An unexpected summer activity…

I know, I know, it’s been ages since I’ve been here. I think about the blog everyday, ideas for posts pop into my head regularly, but sitting down and writing them seems to be too difficult. I guess you could say I am blocked. I am hoping that this one helps me write others, so I will be back soon, but today I wanted to share something important with you.

There are many moments, as a parent, that make you feel proud of your children: a good school report, going into pre-school without crying, watching them be kind to a friend or a sibling, watching them play football. I’m not sure, that so far, anything has topped the moment, a few weeks ago, when MM announced that he’d like to raise some money for charity.  Maybe it was motivated by seeing others do similar, maybe by that nice feeling we get when we do something nice, who knows?

We chatted about what kind of charity he’d like to support and he was keen to do something that would help children. We had recently finished the amazing book, The Light Jar by Lisa Thompson, which centres around a boy and his mother who have fled an abusive partner. (I know this sounds like a grim book for a nine year old, but I promise it isn’t. I’m going to do a round up of some of the books we’ve read to MM recently, but for now, trust me) We talked about how the boy in the book had to leave with virtually nothing, in a night-time flit and I told him about a local charity that runs refuges and offers support to families fleeing domestic violence. MM was really interested in helping a smaller charity, rather than one of the big national charities, as he felt that they already had lots of support, so we settled on Leeway Domestic Violence and Abuse Services.

Next we had to think about what he wanted to do. I did suggest getting school involved for a collection of things the charity needs, but he was reluctant. My boy doesn’t like the spotlight, especially at school and so this was a step too far for him, so we settled on a sponsored project for the summer holidays. He is going to run the distance of a marathon, starting at the beginning of August and finishing before he goes back to school. He felt that this was something he’d enjoy and was achievable, but that he would still need to show  commitment, as he’s going to have to run nearly every day, including when we go away on holiday, with his plan to run a mile a day.

Having said he doesn’t like the spotlight, he is happy to ask people on the Internet to sponsor him and gave his full consent for me to write about his challenge. I get that and I hope you do to. Sometimes I find it easier to share things via a screen, than I do when a person is in front of me and I think the attention from friends and teachers just felt a little overwhelming.

So, if you can spare a couple of pounds to help motivate him and help a really fantastic charity, doing great work to help adults and children in the most dire of circumstances then we would be so grateful. You can find his sponsorship page here. It really doesn’t have to be much, the price of a takeaway coffee would be brilliant.

I’ve been thinking a lot about privilege recently and how fortunate we are. Our home is secure, we live a settled, comfortable life, where we don’t face prejudice or abuse and I often wonder if as a result, my children are growing up in a vacuum. As I’ve said before, I talk about the wider world and try to open them up to it, but children can often seem like selfish creatures, cross because you won’t buy them a thing that everyone else has, or let them stay up and watch a film that is too old for them. To have a child who not only realises that others are not in as fortunate as he is, but also wants to do something to help, however small his contribution, gives me hope for the future and makes me beyond proud.

So, come on Internet, do your thing, so he knows that others will do something to help him on his journey. Let’s make his first fundraising experience a good one!

Thank you and I promise I will be back in this space very soon.

The Finish Line

Sometimes you have to write a blog post before you can move on to another and that’s how it is with this post. I want to finish off the story, to have a record of my half-marathon and how I felt, but at the same time it all feels quite a jumble in my head. However, I can’t seem to write anything else until I have done this and never mind all this running shenanigans, there is a crochet blanket to be blogged about. Far more sedate and in keeping with the autumn weather.

It’s quite an amazing feeling when you decide to do something so completely out of your comfort zone and actually manage to put in the time and effort to get ready for it. It’s not often that we admit we are proud of ourselves either, it sounds arrogant somehow and wrong, but I am proud. Amazed, still and proud that I did it and enjoyed, for the most part.

On the day itself I was a mix of excitement, nerves, relief it was finally here and emotion at what it all meant. The event itself was pretty overwhelming too, with 12500 runners and the amazing route, through some of London’s most famous landmarks. The race itself was harder than I imagined. I expected it to be hard in places, every run is, but miles that I’d happily run locally in the past felt they they went on forever. Luckily, just as things were really tough we would see one of our families or friends that had come to cheer us on and it made such a difference. 

As did the support from Twitter. Thank you so much for all your messages of encouragement, willing us to keep going when our legs were just not listening to our brains and were crying out to walk, or actually just stop. A terrible internet connection and an ever diminishing battery prevented me from replying to everyone on the day, so really thank you, thank you. It meant so much.

Of course not all of it was hard, some of it was simply perfect. Mile 3 was a particular highlight, getting into my stride just as we crossed Waterloo Bridge and then passed The London Eye was just amazing. Everything up to mile 6 was really nothing but enjoyable. Miles 8,9 and 10 were tough, really tough. They were all in Hyde Park, which whilst pretty could get a little dull and there were sections of it that didn’t have any spectators. It’s amazing how much we needed them. We walked a bit, we worked out later that we maybe walked for half a mile in total, which out of 13.1, I am pretty happy with. Once we got to the last couple of miles, my legs seemed to take on a new energy. I suddenly realised that I was going to do it. Run a half marathon. Most of the miles were behind me, now it was just a little jog in the park.

Heather and I crossed the line together, we had been with each other all the way and with Bec until 7 miles in and I am so pleased that we did manage to run at the same pace. Heather got me into this and we have been there to push each other on during the months of training. It seemed right to finish together.

I want to thank some people. Like I said everyone who sent me a tweet or a facebook message, text or blog comment helped so much. Huge thanks as well to everyone who was kind enough to sponsor me. With gift aid I managed to raise over £830. Isn’t that just amazing! You gorgeous people.

Finally, I have to thank Mckdaddy for all his practical and moral support. When I first asked if he thought it was something I could do, he was nothing but positive and that has continued ever since. He has never complained about the hours of training I have had to do and if I haven’t felt like going he has kindly encouraged me, whilst gently pushing me out of the door. From before I even went on my first run, to bringing the children to London to watch, he really has been so supportive and frankly brilliant. He’s not getting my medal though. That’s mine

My reliable running partner

This week’s Gallery at Sticky Fingers couldn’t have been more perfect. Tara’s theme this week is fitness.

On Sunday, the Royal Parks Half Marathon will finally be underway and I will be running it to raise money for Tommy’s. When I signed on for it I hadn’t even run one step and now six months later I have run thousands and am ready. I have gone through feeling of inadequacy and feeling sure I couldn’t ever do it, to the realisation a few weeks ago that I would be able to run 13 miles and now just pure nerves when I think about the weekend.

I run alone and I run early, which means I share the streets with only a  few pigeons, tramps, delivery drivers and the odd market trader setting up their stall. I have music to keep me company, although I increasingly trying to run some miles without music, giving myself a new challenge and allowing the sounds of the city filter through my mind.

However, I have the most reliable running partner, in my beautiful city. It doesn’t complain that I am going too fast or too slow, it doesn’t persuade me not to go, because it doesn’t feel like it today, it doesn’t argue with me about which route to take or shout at me in some attempt to motivate me. It simply carries me along from one familiar view to the next, nudging me through each part of my route.

It takes me down long, straight roads with magnificent houses to distract me as I play “if I won the lottery”, though tree lined pathways in the park, round winding walkways, snaking around our beautiful cathedral and finally along the river. The sun coming up through the willows, that reflect perfectly in the glass like stillness of the water, almost whispering to me that I am nearly home, I am nearly there.

Every run has it’s hard moments, but every run also has those moments that make it worthwhile. A combination of the perfect song, with your legs moving effortlessly under you and the perfect view, come together and you remember why you leave the house and 6:30 and how fantastic it is to be healthy enough to experience this high. Quite often I see views, with just the right light that take my breath away, but I have remember them in my mind as, am too busy running to stop and take a photo, but every now and again I have to stop. Like this moment, 7:30am on a early September Saturday. Just perfect.

When I finish on Sunday I will have many people to thank for their support, but none more so than my wonderful running partner. My fine city.

Ten

I ran 10 miles this morning. As I sit here in front of the computer as I do so often it doesn’t seem real. It doesn’t feel like it was me. Of course, the mild aches in my thighs and knees are reminding me that it is real and that it was me.

I didn’t like sport at school, or at least I liked hockey and tennis, but the time spent doing these sports was brief, it always seemed to be gymnastics, athletics or netball, all of which I was terrible at, being a shorty, slightly dumpy adolescent. Sport and fitness have never been a big part of my life and yet over the last six months I have built up the miles and achieved distances I never imagined I could and certainly never imagined that I would enjoy.

Not all of today’s milestone run was enjoyable. There were times when all I thought about was how much my legs ached and how I still had so far to go, but there were also times when my legs simply carried me along with little effort, smooth and strong, taking me around my route without any thoughts of tiredness.

The half marathon I am running in is only three weeks away and so it has been on my mind a lot. When I don’t want to go out, as I have felt for this last week, I have just wanted it to be over, to have a break, but on days like today, I wonder if I will have the motivation to get out at 7am on a weekend morning, when I don’t have something to train for.

I do know that I want to keep running. It has bought so many positive things into my life. The fresh air and time away from the family have become precious. The fact that it really is the best way to start the day. It has changed my view of my own body image. One of the reasons I started was to lose some weight, but I don’t view it as a weight loss tactic anymore. I have lost a few pounds, although not many, instead I have lost inches, my legs are more defined and my arms are less flabby. More importantly though is how it has changed my brain. I no longer think about weight, I think about wanting to be fitter, stronger, more able to run around with my children, having more energy and the way that exercise makes me happier. After thinking about weight for most of my adult life that is such a relief.

I also love how it makes an impact on my children too. I never imagined how powerful seeing me exercise would become. It was bought home to me today when Mckdaddy walked back from the shops with Mini Mck and he started running. “Look, Daddy, I can run really fast, just like my Mummy” Surely that is reason enough to keep going.

My 10 mile face

It will be harder to keep going after race day. It will be darker in the mornings and colder and I won’t have a date on the calender to force my hand. However, for today, I just want to bask in the knowledge that this morning I ran 10 miles.

Why I get up at stupid o’clock to run

Mini Mck is my first born child, but he wasn’t my first pregnancy or to me, my first baby, he was my fourth. Before him were three lots of hopes and three crushing disappointments. One of these was a silent miscarriage, which despite the forewarning of some bleeding, wasn’t complete and so the stark pain of seeing a perfect scan on a screen, but has no heartbeat, followed by a hospital procedure is with me forever. We never found a reason for these losses, we simply had to pick ourselves up and keep trying. There isn’t much known about why they happen or what can be done to prevent them.

You soon learn after losing a baby in pregnancy that people don’t really know what to say. It makes them uncomfortable. Babies are supposed to be a happy subject, conversations about them are supposed to revolve around excitement and anticipation, not fears and worries and so as time goes on you just keep quiet.

I was lucky, my miscarriages were early and I went on to have two healthy boys. I can’t even begin to comprehend how you function in normal life after carrying a baby for nine months and losing it after it has been born or sadly having a stillbirth. Over 4000 babies are stillborn each year in the UK and often the families that have to deal with this don’t find out why. How much harder must that make an already unimaginable situation?

This is where Tommy’s come in, funding research into pregnancy loss, stillbirth and premature birth and raising awareness so that parents have access to accurate and up to date information, including PregnancyLine, which anyone can call to speak to a midwive about anything from pregnancy health to coping with the loss of a baby.

As I write this Mini Mck is playing his usual make believe games, talking constantly, as he always does and his placid, quiet younger brother is sleeping peacefully in his cot. My world of four years ago, when I really started to believe that this would never happen for us, seems like a different life, a different person. I don’t think about those losses very often these days, just occasionally at certain times of the year, but just recently they have been on my mind more.

You see, I am running for Tommy’s. Having never run in my life, myself Heather and Bec will be running 13.1 miles in the Royal Parks Half Marathon on October 7th and we are doing it to raise money and awareness for this great charity.

There are lots of reasons I wanted to start running and to have this race as a goal, but the single biggest thing that gets me out, to get those miles in, first thing in the morning is knowing I am doing it for a cause that is close to my heart and that, I think, resonates with parents everywhere.

So, I need your help. We will be tweeting, using the hashtag #mumsontherun and blogging, but most importantly running and raising money and I would be really grateful for any support you can give. Tweeting is great and much appreciated, or better still pop along to my sponsorship page and giving anything you can spare. I promise that every time I get a new sponsor it makes the 6:30am runs easier to get up for.

Sponsor me here

What was I thinking?

Exercise has never really been my thing. I did go through a period of gym going before I had children and I have to admit I did enjoy the de-stress aspect and the fact that I was the slimmest I’d ever been, whilst still being able to eat what I wanted. Other than that it’s never really been my thing

So, I’m not really sure what I was thinking when a friend suggested we do the Royal Parks half marathon for Tommy’s in October and I was tempted.

Actually I do know what I was thinking. I was craving a project, a goal and thinking that I am rather tired of not liking how I look in photos or even in the mirror. I was imagining how good it would be to have some time to myself and how satisfying it would be to achieve something so seemingly out of reach as running 13 miles. Finally, I was thinking how much I would love to do something for Tommy’s, a charity that funds research into pregnancy problems and premature birth and provides information and support to parents.

There were too many reasons to say yes and only one to say no, that is my fear that I wouldn’t be able to do it, maybe two, if you include laziness and so, I said yes and committed to do it.

I started training at the beginning of March by going out for thirty minutes and doing a combination of running for four and walking for six and gradually I have built this up. I had a break of about a month as I strained a muscle and then frankly made up a load of excuses not to go, but am now back at it and it the main loving it.

I can now run continuously for twenty three minutes, which is only just under two miles. I know I still have a massive way to go, I mean, I have got to do that six times over, but I am trying not to think about that too much or it is just overwhelming.

I have learnt a few things about running already, or perhaps about myself. For example, I rarely want to go out, but nearly always feel glad I did. When I think I need to stop or walk, I can keep going and for much longer than I think. I much prefer running first thing in the morning than at any other time and I the though that I am going to slip and fall into the river, mid-run, crosses my mind more often than it should.

So, that is why I am running. I haven’t blogged about it before, as I didn’t feel I was enough of a runner to justify doing so, but I need to get it out there, to make it real, so that there is no backing out. I shall be updating you on my progress and writing more about why Tommy’s is a charity I want to support.

I am relying on you to keep me on the straight and narrow and be my virtual cheerleaders.